Become a "try" athlete

The days have become weeks that became months and the time has flown by. Seems like only yesterday that I was a 400-plus pound woman who could barely get out of bed in the morning.

I never binge anymore and very rarely stray from my food plan. And when I say NEVER, I mean never. Numerous other destructive habits have vanished and I have been thinking and evaluating the WHY of it. I tried to get here before and failed. Why was I able to do it this time?

I see so many people on these blogs who suffer with the excess weight, obsessive food behaviors and all that goes with it. They have trouble getting started on a path of change, or they start but have frequent returns to binge-behavior or other behaviors that halt their progress and make them feel worse about themselves.

I have been trying to understand how I arrived where I am now, and also how to articulate it in a way that might be useful to others. I will be sharing my thoughts on this here and there, beginning with this post today.

They say there is no magic pill. No, there isn't. But that doesn't mean that there is not magic. There is, and it is in you-- it is just a matter of learning how to access it.

The Nike ads say "just do it." That's great for average people but for the morbidly obese, the binge eaters and others like us, there is no long-lasting transformative power in merely "doing." We should know, as we've been on 67 million diets and started so many fitness programs that we lost count years ago.

For me, (and I am convinced it applies to others like me) there is no transformative power in merely doing, the power is in the becoming-- in the being. Let me explain this a few different ways.

A diet is something that you do, as is an "exercise program." They are something that you do, NOT something that you are. As something that you do, it is just as easy to stop doing them, and eventually, we generally do stop-- and find ourselves back at square one-- or perhaps even FATTER than when we started.

As fat people, our sense of identity and self-worth is severely injured and impaired. Countless times we tried to change our identity from someone who eats too much to someone who is able to stay on a "diet," and each time we fail, we feel worse about ourselves.

In talking with former fat people who have become runners and body builders and kept the weight off successfully for years, I realized that diet and exercise are only effective if they are used as tools to help you become the healthy, powerful and energetic athelete that you could be.

You can start a diet on Monday and go off of it by Wednesday. But once you become an athelete, you are an athelete EVERYDAY and will be very likely to make choices that will support that instead of working against it.

I am not suggesting that we all try to become championship swimmers, ultra marathon runners or olympic-class body builders. That is not usually realistic for people with careers and family to deal with.

If you've always been fat, never have been atheletic, never played a sport then I understand that this would be difficult for you. It was for me too. I never before pushed myself physically as I have been doing now. I never knew my own limits. Didn't know what I could or could not do. Finding out, venturing into uncharted territory is empowering beyond anything else I have ever tried.

Food, whether pigging our or depriving myself of it, used to have such monumental power. It was the center of my universe. The Gospel according to Lori-Ann. Now it is just a tool to get my atleticism where I want it to be.

No, this is not going to be easy. Worthwhile things seldom are. Set a goal. See the athelete you can be and avoid anything that does not support that. Keep going until the day comes when you feel up to really testing your limits-- at that moment, walk a little faster, swim until you cannot do another stroke, up the weights on the bar, lift your legs higher while doing your aerobics dvd and don't stop, don't stop, don't stop and THEN---------

A crack will form in the door that's hiding the magic in you, the magic that will help you do the seemingly impossible with your body. Yeah, I know you might have been the fat girl or boy at school who hated gym, hated sports. That's because you thought you couldn't do it. There was no one around to tell you that you could and to guide you to that point, but there is now! I'm tellin' ya, you CAN do this. You CAN become an athelete and put all of this fat business behind you.

For myself, I am a bit older than some of you. I arrived late in the game so I don't have as many years left to enjoy my body and my health. For this reason, as I look toward the new year and ponder what my goals should be-- I have decided to take this to the limit and beyond.

It is no longer enough for me to get to goal weight and think of myself as an athlele-- I am taking this over the top. I am NOT allowing myself a comfort zone for any length of time, any time soon. Every time I reach a new level of strength and endurance I intend to go past it, to go beyond what I think I can do-- and to keep repeating this again and again.

So for 2010-- I am challenging one and all to become a "TRY" athlete. Don't just do, BECOME! Keep trying and experiementing until you find your path, then keep pushing until you can maintain a good stride. Nothing will stop you after that!

I don't know how to make "awards" or banners-- or else I'd make one to give to everyone who wants to give this a try.

If one person benefits by what I've written here, I'll be thrilled! Rock on, homies!

Significant Milestone Award

Good day my homies! I had a fantabulous weekend and seem on the way to achieving things that are blowing my mind!

At the gym I've been upping my weight whenever I can and I am making great gains of strength and development. Weeks ago, the "fantasy" started passing through my mind that, wouldn't it be great if I could pull 100 pounds on the cable chest fly by the new year? In my top shape back in my 20's I wasn't pulling that kind of weight.

As one week melts into the next, I keep inching the weight up........Imagine my shock yesterday at the gym when I upped the cable chest fly to 90 pounds. Yes, 90! Granted, I could only do 4-5 reps......... but who knows.... maybe by the new year I will be able to pull 100.

90 pound cable flies! I am a woman. Do you realize how jacked a woman has to be to pull that kind of weight? Holy crap, I still can't believe I did it! And that came immediately after a walk/run with plenty of LONG jogging intervals in the mix.

So imagine my sheer JOY when I logged onto my blog and found the Significant Milestone Award waiting for me -- a gift from my home girl over at 266.

Now, one thing you're not going to get from me today is any false show of modesty. I have been working my ass off to start running again and to beat my personal bests at the gym week after week. So none of that "ahh shucks" stuff today!

I EARNED this award. I deserve it! And I am displaying it proudly! I am grateful that I have it in me to work this hard and I am grateful for friends like 266, who UNDERSTAND how much sacrifice and effort I am putting out to achieve the results that I want--and who take the time to celebrate those milestones with me. You are a true friend 266 and I value that more than can be expressed!

This morning I took my 2-mile route around the neighborhood and I ran for just over 1/2 a MILE before I had to drop it down to a walk because of a hill. I am fairly confident that on a flat track I could run a mile straight or more without stopping -- and this is only one week into my running again.

I need to get going to get my ChaLEAN work-out in today. I gotta stay on track with that so that I can start the LEAN phase next week-- the final phase of the program!

I feel fantastic today and hope that you do too! Thanks for believing that I could do this even before I could! You guys rock!

Hot 100 Update and Weekly Fitness Totals

Another week has gone by. Yikes-- the year's end is coming quickly! My doctor appointment with its weigh-in is three weeks from Tuesday and the new year will be later that week. I gotta stay focused! LOL

Here's my Hot 100 Goals and how I did for the week-- along with my new goal and some adjustments that I am announcing here.

Exercise a minimum of 5 Hours a week - I did this but will put the details in my weekly fitness totals below.

Eat Foods Rich in Omega 3's at least 3 times a week: I aced this, as usual. Thank God I love salmon, and flax seed on my oatmeal. LOL

Complete all three months of the ChaLEAN Extreme Program: This is a work in progress. I did all of my scheduled work outs this week and will include more details in my fitness totals below.

Consume at least 5 fruits and veggies a day: There were a few days this week where I felt mysteriously "unhungry" and ate very sparse meals based on a small serving of protein and nothing else. So I probably didn't succeed in this.

Eat 5-6 small meals a day: When I made this goal I felt like this was something I needed to do at the time to avoid getting too hungry- which I feared would lead to binging. I no longer feel this way or have those fears -- so I honestly feel that I have outgrown the need for this challenge.

What I have actually done this week is to only eat when hungry. (Imagine that? what a concept) For instance, some mornings I wake up so ravenously hungry that I need to get downstairs right away and make breakfast.

Other mornings, I feel like I can wait to eat -- so this week, I did. Looking over my food journal, some days I ate 2 meals and no snacks. Some days I did not eat breakfast. Some days I did not eat lunch-- or else I would have my lunch in the middle of the afternoon. Other days I was hungrier and had all three meals and snacks too-- but never let myself go over my calorie limit-- even last Sunday when I was at that Birthday Party-- I did not have any cake, not even a taste.

So I am replacing this challenge with a new one-- which will be TO EAT ONLY WHEN HUNGRY for the remainder of the year. I will not eat based on the clock or based on anything except my own body telling me it needs fuel.

I believe that last week I mentioned a NEW GOAL of trying to get into the 200's before my doctor visit on the 29th -- which would mean losing 8 pounds. Well, I have been really applying myself to that goal, actually, to surpassing the 8 pounds to whatever degree possible.

So it's like I put myself in a 30-day boot camp. LOL! I dialed back the calories by only eating when hungry and only consuming MEASURED SERVINGS of the lowest fat choices available. No sauces, spreads, or treats or extras of any kind. NONE! I added jogging intervals to my walking and forced myself to walk and do the ChaLEAN and other exercises in spite of a busy work week.

This ultra strict, sparten regime is not something that I could ever maintain for any length of time and I know it. But I am going for it in the short-term to give myself the gift of being in the 200's on New year's eve.

FITNESS TOTALS FOR THE WEEK

Gym - 1 hr and 10 minutes
Walking with jogging intervals - 3 hours and 20 minutes
Cardio and ChaLEAN dvds- 2 hours and 10 minutes

For a total of 6 hours and 40 minutes of exercise. Not bad.

I SHOULD be starting the final phase of the ChaLEAN program on Monday-- but since I didn't do the chaLEAN last week, I am a week behind. So this week will be the final week of the PUSH Phase and I'll start the last and most challenging phase of the program next Monday.

One thing I am definately aware of is the increase in my strength and muscle size. There is still enough fat on my arms that looking at them, they seem like the same pudgy arms that I had two and three months ago. However, underneath that they change in composition more and more every week -- in a way that I can see and feel-- especially when I flex my arm muscles.

When my weight drops down enough for my arm muscles to be visible it is going to appear to everyone that I developed them over night. But actually, I've been working on this for months. Same thing with other areas. My arms and legs seem not to be getting smaller so much as swapping fat for muscle mass.

I shouldn't have, but I had the tape measure out to measure the dimensions of the medicine bags I was listing on eBay for a Lakota teen....... so yes, I checked my main measurements, even though my December progress report is still two weeks away....... and I lost 1/2 an inch of my waist and and inch off my hips. My arms also went down another 1/2 an inch.

The way it looks, I'll have more inches lost this month than the last-- so I am keeping my fingers crossed!

This coming week, barring anything unforseen, should be a good one for food and exercise. It should be an average work load and I have no social engagements or business luncheon meetings. I should have no problem getting the fitness hours in and staying the course with the food.

I have been thinking that if I get a one piece leotard type thing for my progress pics it will show the changes each month better than what I've been wearing. So if I can possibly get one before my next progress report in two weeks, I will. It is just a question of affording something like that. Money is ridiculous for us right now.

I surprised myself by starting to jog this week-- I didn't think I'd be doing that until spring........ So it looks like I'm setting myself up for some cold weather running as I cannot stand treadmills.

I wonder how long it will take me to run a complete mile................

Anyway, hope you're all enjoying the weekend! Be good to you today

Resurrecting the Runner

I have waited many months for this day........ and here it is. Back in July, when I returned from the rez and got more serious about my diet and exercise, I bought the running shoes that you see in the pic above (yes, my feet really are that big). I also took a pic of my Lakota nephew Bernie and his two girls and had it made into a size 2X t-shirt for me to run in.

At the time that I bought the shoes and the shirt, neither would fit me and I was far, far away from doing any running. At the time, my shoes were a 13 XXXXW and my shirt a 4X-- and those are men's sizes. The shoes above are a 12 xxw - the size I wore when I was last able to call myself a runner -- about 11 years ago. And the shirt is a 2X-- a size I hoped to be able to fit into by spring.

I've been wearing walking shoes and have noticed them getting looser and looser, so my feet are actually smaller now. Last night, I was doing walking/jogging intervals on the way to the gym and when I really started to get into it and push myself, one of my shoes actually came right off. LOL

So, today, I got brave and took the new running shoes off my dresser where they have been sitting since I bought them (so that I'd have to look at them first thing every morning)and slid them on---THEY FIT PERFECTLY, almost as if they were custom-made for me. And they are so flippin' comfortable! I love them!

I was so thrilled that I decided to see how the t-shirt would fit. IT FITS!!!!!! I nearly fainted! So, outfitted in gear I didn't think I'd wear until March, I headed out the door to do my walk/run intervals--and I couldn't ask for a better day. It is unseasonably warm here in CT. I had on a light hoodie and got overheated at the end.

I can already see that my hilly neighborhood is going to be a challenge in determining how far I can actually go at a stretch. A lot of the hills are tough enough that back when I was a fit runner, I would have found them difficult. Now, I can barely walk them.

Last night, I filled out and printed my application to run in the New Haven Road Race, which is a half-marathon and takes place on September 6th, 2010. I am not mailing it yet though. I stuck it on the cork board by my desk so that I have to look at it every time I come to my computer. I'll leave it there for awhile as motivation and mail it in a few months.

Bernie (on the t-shirt) participated in the Sun Dance and my friend Jeanne and I were there to support him in that. As you know, I was so fat when we traveled to the rez that I had to buy two airline seats. Bernie and his family keep praying for us and for our health. They are people with a lot of faith. In fact, faith is one of the few things they have a lot of on the rez.

So this t-shirt is to remind me that I only want to buy ONE airline seat this time. And it's also to keep me from getting so physically oriented (through the diet and exercise) that I forget to allow myself a spiritual life.

Even though this journey began in March and was renewed in July, I felt another sort of renewal today, my journey back to becoming a runner became more real today; it moved from being something that might happen in the future to something that is happening now. This has really revitalized my enthusiasm! The lighter you are, the faster you can run-- so this should be motivation for me to be even more careful with the food going forward.

Helen, thank you for the offer of running links and advice. I'll take any help I can get, with gratitude. So, wrap it up, I'll take it!

Well, that is enough for today! I have a lot of work to do and need to squeeze in a ChaLEAN workout in order to stay on track with my fitness goals for the week. I hope you are all well! Be good to you today!

I ran (but not with a flock of sea gulls)

Happy Wednesday my friends. If you need an extra shot of motivation, just visit Steve's Wednesday's Word of the Day over at his blog. Look in the upper right hand corner for today's message!

Yesterday and today were both very busy but I feel a great sense of accomplishment. I spent part of yesterday just running errands. In our town, June is the month that you license your dog and we had let our dog's licenses lapse. (yeah, I know, I know). After that incident Thanksgiving day with the pack of vicious dogs, I want to be prepared and completely "legal" if there is another incident.

So I went to our vet yesterday morning and got copies of our guys rabies shot certificates and brought those down to the town hall to update their licenses. It felt good to get that done. On Thanksgiving when we had that incident, the officer didn't ask if our dogs were licensed, if she had, we would have been sunk.

That taken care of, I went to the army/navy store down the road and bought a big ass can of pepper spray. This can is bigger than what I expected but it shoots a powerful stream up to 8 feet away. I tested it and it really does spray in a powerful stream, not a mist-- so it would probably be very effective.

It also doesn't spray in bursts but has continuous action and will spray as long as you hold down the button. It is made for security people working a crowd. So if that pack attacks again I can sweep it across them as they approach and it should work.

I dug out a fanny pack that I bought to wear during my trip to the rez and I will use that for walking from now on. It can hold the pepper spray, my camera, ipod, and cell phone without a problem.

By the way, speaking of that fanny pack, it was designed for big people so it was extra big to begin with--PLUS, I had to order an extender for it. Now, I took out the extender and had to cinch up the other part too. That sure felt good!

After that, I took Zeke for a walk/run at the Beach. Once again, I would walk for awhile then jog for awhile. Zeke LOVED it! He kept looking up at me as if to say, "Holy crap, mom is running with me." He was a good boy and stayed with the program. When I needed to walk, which was a lot at this point, he would slow down and not pull at the leash. So Zeke and I did two miles of walk/jogwalk/jog yesterday and I was so happy!

Today I got up and immediately did the Denise Austin cardio dvd that I used to do all of the time when I first started. It is only 25 minutes so I put it away when I began to feel like I needed more time.

SO I popped it in and found that I can put a lot more energy into it than I used to be able to do. This is pure cardio, but I wanted to make it more difficult so I held 5 pound dumb bells in my hands the whole time.

This worked, as I really had an elevated pulse through the whole thing, yet 5 pounds is not enough weight to make my arms get tired or sore. I am going to do this work out here and there when I get the chance so that I can take off as much weight as possible before my doctor visit at the end of the month.

THEN, late morning I took a 2 mile walk/jog around the neighborhood and followed that up with the ChaLEAN Extreme Push circuit 1-- which is a lot of arm work. It is only Wednesday and I already surpassed the fitness hours I put in last week and it looks like I will finish this week strong.

I am able to do bicep curls with 25 pounds now and triceps work with 20 pounds. Yes, I feel like my arms are going to fall off, but I CAN do it and I am so proud of how strong I am getting.

Yesterday I received a huge box of crafts from the Lakota kids. I needed to go through the items to see what everything is and what I would try to sell it for. I sat the box in front of my chair while The Biggest Loser was on and went through the crafts during commercials. I was able to get the whole thing done and started photographing them today-- so I'll have new items in the eBay store very soon.

There is a half marathon in my area every September and I am toying with the idea of pre-registering for it after the first of the year -- sort of as a new year's goal. My trip to the rez will be in early July and I hope to be very close to goal by then. But I want something for after that. I don't want to come home from the rez and not already have something else that I need to work on.

If I do sign up for it in January, I will have 9 months to get myself into good enough condition to run 13 miles. I think this is doable. I actually thought of this after seeing the Biggest Loser marathon last night. If they can do that after 5months, I should be able to do a half after 9 months of training, especially since I've been exercising since July.

I went back to being a little stricter with my food for the next few weeks. I really, really, really want to be under 300 when I go back to the doc's at the end of the month. It would be so incredible for me to start the new year in the 200's.

I have heard people talk about "one"-derland. Right now, I'd be happy with Two Town. LOL

I have work to do, just wanted to make sure I posted today. I hope you are all well and back on track now that turkey day is almost a week behind us.

Awards and week in review, with a side of Peppers

I had a SUPER busy week last week and I am woefully behind in things I've been wanting to post about. So I am combining my weekly fitness review with my Hot 100 update and also acknowledging some awards that I received last week. Otherwise, I will be starting the week three posts behind--and since I have another busy week ahead, I don't want to do that. LOL

I also have a MILESTONE to report that I am super happy about, but let me get caught up first before I get into that.

So let's put friendship first and scope out the Deborah Award that I received! Ain't it purdy?

I am honored to have received two awards from my bear friend whose blog you can read here.
The above Deborah Award was originally created by Ces and you can read more about the award at her blog Ces and her Trees.

Steve over at Log My Loss is really great about stopping by various blogs to leave comments and encouragement, and he posts regularly in his own blog to share his journey and offer motivation. These awards are for the gals or Steve would be on the top of my list to receive them.

That said, I would like to pass the Deborah award on to the following women who are so generous in sharing their lives with their online friends and who never seem at a loss to offer words of encouragement. Thank you! Thank you for keeping your hearts open to the world and allowing the rest of us to benefit from your compassion, insight and good old fashioned friendship.


Sandra over at My Travels to Becoming a Better Me

266

Patsy over at Musings on a 100-Pound Weight Loss Journey

Leslie at Something Brilliant is Brewing

Helen at Doing a 180

Greta at Big Bottom Blogger

The Cilley Girl

Candace at Believing in C, C is me

Cincimom11

Kat at Fit Body Mind Spirit

Larkspur at Am I Really that fat

Jo over at 282.5

Becca over at The Finish Line

Angie at who do you choose today

Greta over at Big Bottom Blogger

Some of you may have already received this award from someone else. That just goes to show how wonderful you are! I am sure that I missed many deserving recipients as I am only human. Perhaps in passing this award on, some of you can select a few who have never received an award yet or a few of the regular posters and commenters that I missed.

My Bearfriend also sent me a second award but I would like to think a bit more about whom to pass it along to...........I won't let too much time go by, I promise.

Week in Review

Last week was one of the busiest and stressful weeks that I can recall having in a long time, the result being that my fitness totals for the week really suck ass! I only walked a total of 2 hours and spent 40 minutes at the gym. I never did the ChaLEAN workouts or the Biggest Loser Boot camp DVD.

Luckily, I remained fairly consistent with my food as it wasn't a case of drifting off my path or getting lazy, but of truly being overwhelmed. I walked to the gym last Sunday and put in a good workout-- but it all went downhill from there, exercise wise.

Monday I helped my friend Mandy deliver more pet foods and supplies to some of the local animal shelters. That took all day and involved a lot of heavy lifting. On Tuesday, I went to my new doc and spent 2 1/2 hours there-- then came home to take my new meds and lay down, as I wasn't feeling great-- which is why I went in the first place. Wednesday I spent all morning shopping for Thanksgiving food and preparing whatever I could ahead of time. I also cleaned the lower level of my house.

On turkey day we had to get my 90-year old mother-in-law from her assisted living to our house without letting her fall, plus serve the turkey dinner - all of this is after poor Zeke being attacked by those four dogs during our morning walk.

Friday was the day that I broke down at the gym and was crying all over the place--so Jeff took me home. Saturday I had work obligations all day and I am so behind there I don't know how I'll catch up --LOL. (Don' t know why I'm laughing, it is NOT funny)

So that was my week! Yikes! LOL

This coming week, I have a lot of work to do, but no social obligations--so I should be able to squeeze in more exercise. I am still determined to finish the year out strong! That said, let's move on to the

Hot 100 Update

Food wise, I met my goals last week by eating 5-6 small meals a day and consuming foods rich in omega 3's at least 3 times. But I completely failed with the ChaLEAN goal as I didn't do it even once! I also didn't meet my exercise goal of 5 hours a week for the reasons listed above.

I am disappointed, but not beating myself up as there was a lot going on during a holiday week. Based on my visit to the new doc, I am making a NEW Hot 100 Goal! I want to weigh under 300 when I go back on December 29th. That means I have to lose at least 8 pounds, which I think is do-able. Actually, I'd love it if I could lose 10-15 by then, but I'm not going to stress myself out. 8 pounds is achievable if I focus. It will be GREAT to start the new year in the 200's. Last year, I started the new year at 430 pounds.

By the way, my new blood pressure medication is working out! It took a few days, but I don't wake up with headaches any more. A side effect is it can make you feel tired, but I have noticed that feeling getting less every day as my system adapts. Going to the new doc was the best thing I have done for myself since starting my fitness journey almost a year ago.

Big News - I RAN Yesterday!

Yesterday, (Sunday) we had to attend a birthday party for a family member who turned 100 years old. Yup, 100. Talk about a Hot 100 challenge! LOL! Anyway, Sunday is a gym day for us and being that last week sucked so bad, I wanted to start this week out really strong. I planned to really work my ass off in the gym.

During my walk to the gym, I don't know what came over me, but I decided to try running for a minute and see what would happen. Honestly, I thought I would run 5-6 steps and have to stop. I was completely shocked when I was able to go a distance of about 100 feet.

I walked for awhile, then did it again. Once again,I was totally shocked by how far I went. Yes, it was a very slow jog, not a run. And being 307 pounds I was not moving with grace but with determination-- but I did it! I kept this up the entire 3 miles to the gym.

I named this blog "Amazon Runner" when I created it, because my dream has always been to be able to run again. Even though I have come to love the weight lifting, I want to run. I have never fully believed that I would be able to run again-- until today! Oh, I hoped I would, but didn't know if it would ever really happen. My favorite part of this fitness journey is those moments when you surprise yourself and realize that your dreams are slowly coming true.

I didn't see myself starting a running program until the spring, when I planned to start the couch to 5k program. I am NOT going to officially start that now as I have a ton of other goals I am working on and don't want to overwhelm myself. But I will keep doing this walk/run thing from now on-- putting no pressure whatsoever on myself to run a complete mile by any certain day.

Anyway, I was so excited by this unexpected development and wanted to share! In terms of that Birthday party-- I have great pics from it that I'll post soon and I am proud to say that I did NOT eat cake! I thought about the gut-twisting hunger pains I'd end up with if I ate pasta, bread and cake, so I didn't!

I have a super busy day that I must get on with! You are all in my thoughts and prayers! Be good to you today!

The Saga Continues

Thank you all who showed friendship and support after that dog incident yesterday. I was so so so shaken up-- and your amazon runner is not easily shaken.

I have been thinking about this and I don't believe that I can carry a weapon to use against these dogs that would be lethal. Not that I am incapable of using violence to save my dog's life or my own. I am capable. But it would have to be a reaction to the moment. It's the fact that walking around with a lethal weapon would make the violence premeditated for me and I am uncomfortable with that even though I am acting defensively and am not the aggressor.

I believe in the law of attraction and I am afraid that if I prepare too much for violence, the universe will accommodate me and send it. So tomorrow, Jeff is taking me to the army/navy store for pepper spray. I will always carry that and a camera from now on when I walk. Hopefully this will be enough if there is another incident. If I can document it on camera and survive the ordeal, it could be the last time they do it.

I talked with two of the neighbors who've had incidents with the woman with the four dogs. In both cases, these people were on their own property with their own dogs when the vicious pack came by. Although in these two incidents, the pack of four happened to be leashed at the time, once they saw the other dog they struggled to break free and succeeded in both cases. One time, they pulled and knocked their owner on her backside, and dragged her on her butt across the lawn to attack a dog that was minding its own business on its own property.

In both of these cases, the potential victims made it to safety as they were so close to their own front door, so the police were not called. Although the police were told about these other incidents yesterday, they said that unless it was reported at the time, it's like it never happened.

If these neighbors had reported these incidents and I had reported the previous ones that we had, then there would already be a documented pattern established that the woman cannot control the dogs when they are leashed, that she often lets them off-leash knowing they bite, and that they are dangerous. No one wants to call the police on a neighbor and stir up divisive energy in the neighborhood, but this is one case where, in hindsight, I wish we all had.

There are children and elderly people who also walk their dogs in that tract of woods. The kids and teens also go in there to goof around and do dumb kid things. There is no where to go for help in there. One day, something is going to happen in there with those dogs that is more serious- then they'll probably take action but it will be too late. (Sigh, I pray this can be avoided)

Anyway, I got up this morning and walked to the gym. I have to walk right by the house with the four dogs when I take my walks to the gym. I don't have any pepper spray yet and I was nervous, but they weren't around.

It was pouring rain and cold-- so it was a miserable walk, made worse by the fact that I didn't sleep last night. I FINALLY got to the gym and hopped on the chest press machine first. I could not push the 115 pounds that I was able to do the last time I was in there. As I went down the line, it was the same thing on all of the machines. It was like the strength I've built up took a vacation for the day.

Finally, I was on one machine and I don't know what happened but all of a sudden I just started crying and couldn't stop. I had an extremely busy and stressful week capped off by the dog incident. I could not sleep last night as I was still upset and was up until 3am. I am not a woman who cries, so this was a big deal.

DH had been on the rowing machine and he always comes over when he's done to tell me how long he will be in the pool, which he saves for last. When he saw the state I was in, he just took me home.

I mentioned that I ate stuffing and gravy yesterday in moderation. Well, you would not believe how my body has reacted to that. I have not felt right since. I feel like I ate a jar of paste. For months I have been living on high quality protein, organic veggies and a modest amount of whole grains and fruit. No sugar or chemicals. I guess my body is intolerant now of the old way of eating---yikes.

I will not be eating any of the leftovers except for the turkey. I am not upset about how my body reacted to those foods because it will be all the easier for me not to be tempted by them. Next year, I won't be eating the stuffing or the gravy and I doubt very much that I will feel deprived.

We're thinking of taking Zeke somewhere to run tomorrow where he won't be attacked; and try to clear ourselves of the energy of the past week and just move forward. If I can, I will do a chaLEAN or a boot camp work out today, but if I end up not doing so and I don't reach my goal for the week in terms of fitness hours....... oh well.

Thank you all for being here and for listening! I hope you are well.