You all know that your amazon runner is not a cry baby. And I tend toward anxiety rather than depression. But here I sit. Crying.
Connecticut is usually in the top 3 wealthiest states-- so things are expensive here. 'cept we aren't wealthy. My husband is a carpenter. We have two kids in college and a high mortgage.
We have had extra, unavoidable expenses come up this month, plus a $1,600 tuition payment for our youngest son's next semester at college was due yesterday. It was paid. But our mortgage for the month of December isn't.
To top it off, our fridge just up and died yesterday. Last time we had it serviced it cost almost $500-- we aren't going to call a repairman for the third time in 5 years on a friggen appliance that cost almost two grand and should work better. It was a gift from my mom when we bought the house and is an example of how big fancy things can bring headaches.
So here I sit, the gluten-free items for my mother-in-law that I bought ahead of time for X-mas thawed out and are GONE. These came from whole foods and cost me a fortune. The Christmas ham is gone. EVERYTHING has to be thrown out.
Our Christmas dinner is gone. The remaining $400 that we have in our checking account to exchange a few small gifts with our kids and each other is going to have to go for the cheapest fridge we can find.
The way it looks, not only can we not exchange gifts but I don't even know how we can replace the food we lost and I have my kids and my mother-in-law coming for dinner.
What I also feel bad about is that for our favorite Lakota family (a very spiritual family whom I love) we always call their local grocery store and use our bank card to pay for a $50 - $60 line of credit for them so the mom can make Christmas dinner.
I don't see how I can do it--yet is is something I do every year and they count on it. Thursday would be the last day that I could do that for them and I don't see money magicaly appearing between now and then.
My husband has money automatically deducted from his pay for our kid's college fund and for our retirement-- as yale has matching funds for that. You automatically DOUBLE what goes into your reitirement fund. We cannot fund these two things, pay for our health and life insurance and also put much money away for short term. What short-term money we had we just took out to cover the November mortgage.
I can't see a solution to this. It looks like on christmas day I may be serving stone soup next to my empty refrigerator. I can't remember the last time I felt so terrible and so unable to solve something.
My eating is fine-- I am not over eating due to stress and I did walk/run and go to the gym this morning.
I heard from an old friend whom I haven't seen in years and she is stopping by this afternoon for a visit. I need to pull myself together before she gets here. I can't be telling someone I haven't seen in years that life is shit right now.
I am usually optimistic when other people can't be. I am usually the one to find a solution or acccept what must be quietly. But I feel crushed by this and feel bad for my husband. He NEVER misses a day of work. Never. Yet it looks like the man isn't even going to have a Christmas dinner.
I was going to suggest going to the local food pantry to see if we could get help with Christmas dinner. But I was looking across the room at his face and I know that I cannot suggest such a thing. It would make him feel worse.
Wake me when chirstmas is over.