Hot 100 -- Second Update!

It's time for my Hot 100 update. Steve over at Log My Loss is helping us stay motivated and accountable with this great challenge.

Here's my Hot 100 goals and how I did since my last report:

Exercise a minimum of 5 hours per week - I actually got off to bad start on this earlier last week-- I was in a pissy mood because of some personal stuff--which I posted about. Yep, I was the queen of funk (and I'm not talkin' music here) for a few days, then I was able to pull myself out of it. I managed to exceed my exercise goals and do over 6 hours of exercise!

Eat foods rich in omega-3s at least 3 times a week - I nailed this one too. I'm starting to add 2-3 walnut halves to my Irish oatmeal as these are also rich in omega 3's.

Complete all three months of the ChaLEAN Extreme fitness program: Well, this will take another 8 weeks, but so far, so good. This program guides you in using heavier weights with proper form. I completed the first phase of the program last week and began the second phase this week. Each phase is 30 days. I am enjoying the program and I am glad I spent the money on it.

Consume at least 5 fruits and veggies per day - We went to the farmer's market on Saturday and got some yummy, locally grown organic stuff. A friend also gave us some apples that she picked at the orchard herself. So it was a great week for organics!

Eat fish a minimum of five times a week - Same as last week. Between the salmon and the tuna I've been having either fish or egg whites everyday. No, I'm not bored. Go figure?

Eat 5-6 small meals per day - Again - I didn't do real well on this challenge this week. When I first started this journey I was ALWAYS hungry, so gobbling down the meals and snacks was a breeze. Now I often do not want my snacks and skip them. Supposedly, eating more often will keep my metabolism more active, so I want to work on this.

Lately I've noticed that I am satisfied with a lot less food. Between meals, I don't think about food as much as I used to and I never binge. We are talking never ! Some people allow themselves a "cheat day" and in the beginning, I thought I might allow myself one every other week or so -- but I don't feel the need and never do it.

It is weird, like some invisible switch somewhere has been flipped or some faulty wiring pulled out. Let me admit right here and now that I used to have Chinese food or pizza delivered for lunch 2 or 3 days a week and I would eat a considerable amount. I haven't consumed either in months and months. I never think about it. I never feel deprived.

I am not complaining. I just don't understand this. I always loved food and ate a lot. When I wasn't eating, I was thinking about eating. In the past, when I lost weight, I recall a sense of "suffering" a lot more than I am now. I would be keenly aware of all the foods that I could not eat and felt resentful that I could not eat them.

Food obsession might be replaced by scale obsession for as long as I remained on my "diet" but the point is, the obsessive thoughts and compulsive urges were still there --- and it was a daily battle to beat them into submission. The whole thing was always so exhausting-- no wonder I always failed and would go running back to my take-out menus.

But now.......... things are quieter inside, and I do not know any other way to describe it. I wish I could understand how I arrived here so that I could draw a map for others. It is something I have been thinking about a lot lately.

I am positive that one thing that has helped is a simple, clean and wholesome diet. I honestly believe that part (certainly not all, but part) of the reason really overweight people keep eating is because their bodies are starved for proper nutrition. We aren't meant to live on pizza and brownies. We need good protein and fats, carbs that are unprocessed, etc.

I believe that some of our hunger is our body saying "Yo asshole, ever hear of a leafy green?" Buy a fucking clue and give me some real food that I can make strong healthy new cells with." Our bodies create thousands of new cells every day. What are we going to give our bodies today to fuel this process? If we feed it shit, we will feel like shit.

Anyway, I think part of the state of grace that I am in right now has to do with the accumulated effect of eating right and eating often for months and months, coupled with the fresh air, exercise and pure water. It's like the body finally got what it needed and this takes the edge off of the compulsive behavior.

Am I cured? (don't know any other way to put it) Hell no. I will never have the luxury of being mindless about what I eat and drink. I can't be on auto-pilot with the food and fitness.

I could wake up tomorrow and find myself at the mercy of some overwhelming urge to eat cake. That is my fear -- that I could wake up one day and not be in charge anymore --that old fatheaded me would be back allowing every urge and whim to dictate the actions. What a fucking nightmare.

A Lakota elder once told me that fear and anxiety are an absence of faith. Whether it is faith in ourselves or in a higher power, or both. His words helped me through some dark times. I am passing them on to you in hopes that it may help somehow

Anyway, time to get on with my day. Yeah, we overweight people can be pretty crazy, but just remember --- It's the cracked ones who let the light into the world!