Tuesday's Work out, Getting a (gulp) colonoscopy, and other fun stuff

The journey to health and fitness
Should be taken
Because you love yourself,
Not because you hate your body

Today was a work-out day and I DID it! Before I launch into recording that and other exercise-related stuff, let me say that when I went to my new doctor at the end of last year, he asked me if I'd ever had a colonoscopy (no), mammography (no), Bone density test (no), chest x-ray (no). And he wanted to know when I had my last eye exam (5 years ago) and pap smear (about 15 years ago, right before DH got himself fixed and I said 'goodbye' to birth control pills) (Yeah, I know, I know, PLEASE spare me the lectures. How many 430 pound women do you now who go to a gyn doc?).

And so I agreed with the doc that we'd start tackling these things one or two at a time. It was in all of the initial blood work that we discovered my hypothyroidism. So I like this guy. Anyway, I have an initial appointment tomorrow with a gastro doc about getting the colonoscopy. This isn't the procedure, it is the preliminary appointment.

Your amazon is scared. Why? Well, on my dad's side, two people died of cancer that started this way. Also, on dad's side, I had a half-sister whom I never knew. We were separated when my parents divorced when I was 3.

I searched for her as an adult--but she died of breast cancer before I found her. So, on mom's side, no one gets cancer. On dad's side, everyone does. So this and the mammography scare me. This is stupid, I know. It's not like if there WERE a problem, ignoring it would make it go away.

Anyway, my preliminary for the colonoscopy is tomorrow and my mammography is February 2nd -- ground hog day. LOL. I will post after my appointment tomorrow. Please send calming thoughts my way. This isn't easy for me. I'd rather do ten extra sets of box step-ups-- that's how much I don't wanna go. LOL

I haven't posted about this before-- I guess I was giving myself room to chicken out and not go- then none of you would be the wiser. But I guess I gotta do this and I am making myself accountable for it just like the exercise and weight loss by posting it here.

Anyway, moving on....... Quite awhile ago I read a post or a blog somewhere by a guy who had previously been really obese, then he started a weight lifting program and now looks great.

Anyway, he talked about how one of the hardest things about body building for someone coming from a high weight is that it is a LONG, LONG time before you can actually "see" the muscles you are developing because of all of the fat covering them.

You work your *ss off but have to trust that things are progressing as they should because your muscles are hidden. Boy, have I found this to be true.

Take my arms for example. When I first started working my triceps and biceps 6 months ago (with ten # weights)it took awhile, but gradually, I could feel a tiny amount of muscle there when I'd flex. Here we are now and I can hammer my arms with heavier weights--plus the push-ups and other exercises are helping. And when I flex and feel my arms, I can feel a THICK amount of muscle in the triceps, biceps, and deltoids.

Yet, when I look at myself in the mirror, my arms look the same as any other woman who has another 80 pounds to lose. No one would guess by looking at me that I can run a mile or lift heavy weights. I don't yet look like someone who can do this.

Certainly not all of the time, but some days, doing this on faith without any visual reward for all of my effort is HARD. To go to the gym and see that you are working 2 or 3 times as hard as people half your size yet don't look anywhere near as good as they do is irritating and disappointing.

I try to keep a positive and upbeat attitude and to focus on my strengths and the weight loss progress I have made, which is massive. Most of the time, I just keep looking ahead and do what I must do. But I am a human being, subject to "bad days" when I can't be a cheer leader; and on those days, not looking better than I do after all of the work that I put in really sucks.

So if you're coming from a high weight, you're going to have to accept that you will get stronger and fitter LONG before it shows on the outside. We cannot give up though! We must persist!

Today's Work out:

Warm up - Yoga stretches

Dead Lift
12/125
12/125

DB Shoulder press
12/25
12/25

Lunges
12/10
12/10

Side bends with 25# plate
12
12
12
12
12
12

Pullover
12/30
12/30

Crunches
50
50

Leg Lifts
20
20
20

DB curls
8/25#
10/25#

I changed the way I do the cruches and leg lifts so that there are more reps per set to make it harder.

Also, with the DB shoulder press. I am simply not as strong with this movement as I am with others. I upped the weight from 20# to 25# today and I barely made it through the 2nd set. Yet, look at how much I can pull or lift otherwise.

I was looking through the NEW RULES OF LIFTING FOR WOMEN book to see what I'll be doing in future phases of the program-- and the next four stages incorporate a lot of balance work--- such as one-legged dead lifts and squats; and also compound movements that are difficult-- such as, instead of just doing step-ups onto the box holding weights, I'll have to do overhead presses at the top of the movement- which means stepping up on one leg and going into the press-- the press and the step-ups are already hard for me --when they are combined it will be killer!

I can't see myself with this kind of balance and strength but I've been told by other women who have completed the program that you vastly improve over time. I'll keep you posted. I will be half-way through phase one as of Thursday and I already feel a lot stronger.

Hope you're all doing well!

Tonight is biggest loser night. I'll be crying in front of my TV!

xoxoxoxoxox